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“This Inner Baby Stuff Is Really Moving In Me”

Shadow Synthesis Student Writings

Testimonial-Stephanie-01

Stephanie

Shadow Synthesis Student

Whoa Nelly! This inner baby stuff is really moving in me. As you may have seen my previous post, my inner baby was shadow projecting whereas nearly every person I encountered earlier in the week, I could see and feel what I thought was only “their” inner baby. Only to receive clarification from Sienna Lea, that the projection is how my baby was trying to get my attention. So, I’ve been feeling through all the different emotions I was picking up to understand which belong to me…my inner baby.

Here’s what I’ve come up with: sadness, devastation, fear, neglect, abandonment, frustration, confusion. There was a touching Facebook story about a little boy born with no arms or legs and how his mother rejected him initially and couldn’t accept him the way he was. It really spoke to me deeply…so I knew I was seeing pieces of my inner child in him. What I have come to understand is that while I was born with all my limbs, my parents rejected me because of my soul freedom. On some level they were terrified of the sovereignty I came in to this incarnation with…and they did everything to shut it down from the start. From my mother relinquishing her birth experience to the medical community….to weaning me too early from breast-feeding…to my father handing me over to a Catholic priest against my will (yes, I knew as a young baby the God Matrix bullshit I was being exposed to) to be baptized.

So, my parents, whether consciously or not, did not recognize my soul and its freedom; it’s purity. I scared the shit out of them, and they did their best to shut me down…and for some part, it worked.

“When I did the inner baby mediation last night, newborn Stephanie showed up. She knew I now recognized her and cared so much as to never leave her alone again. She was so relieved that I finally saw her in her realness, her truth. She came to me in the rolling hills of Kauai. My light body protection was enormous…a giant egg of ribbon-like energy in patterns…something akin to sacred geometry. Nothing could penetrate it. I carried baby Stephanie nestled close to me to the beach, and there I sat on the sand and nursed her. I could physically feel this and it was so healing, so loving. She nursed for a long time, and then I held her skin to skin and she slept on my chest also for a long time. She didn’t want to part ways, so I told her she could come with me, and anytime she wanted to nurse, she could. I let her know I would continue to hold her close (baby-wearing) in a sling right next to my heart. My daughter Vienne has done a wonderful job of sharing energetic space with baby Stephanie. Such a precious experience…though still a lot to work through.

The reality that my parents walked me, guided me, right into the matrix…God matrix, and all the control systems of this reality. They didn’t see me, they didn’t recognize me for who I really was. They still don’t. They are still trapped. They may stay trapped. I know at some point, for me to be free and sovereign, I have to let my parents go, but both big and little Stephanie are still working on the courage and strength and confidence and love to do this…the infinitely loving way.”

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