“The Writings Of The Second Graduate”
The Shadowland Process…
Here is the experience of our first Shadowland Workshop graduate. She writes in three distinct sections reflecting her journey.
Here is the experience of our first Shadowland Workshop graduate. She writes in three distinct sections reflecting her journey.
Before starting to descend into Trans a comes up a picture of a big bird fighting furiously someone wants to cage her and lock her in. There is a big flapping of enormous wings; it’s in adark place, feels outdoors, a dark cold place.
As I start to descend deeper she is held so tight by people, beings around her that take full control over her. I feel her head shoved close to the ground with a hand holding onto her throat and see just her big eye looking with deep sorrow around…she surrendered, she is contracted to a small extract…
In this desperation she gathers in her soul the picture of the big eagle bird which was gliding over the canyon in the desert in Israel on my vision earlier this year. This eagle spots a deep creek in the desert canyon and dives down into this vagina shaped creek to bring out branches which carry rich pomegranates. Her task is to spread these pomegranates in different directions of the earth. She is called to do so, to pass the treasures and information carried within these pomegranates on. She is called to conceive and be conceived, to be a carrier of those treasures. This bird is very big, beautiful, and majestic in her presence…an eagle of some sorts.
The hurt bird in the violent traumatic vision carries her in the deepest memories of her soul to keep a thread to her origin, to hold onto the memory of her beauty and power…
Then when descending even deeper the next image is of these wild beasts, people, beings with hands whoever they are, those who trapped her…they forcefully open her legs which now take the form of a woman’s legs. They cut into her body through her vagina and take whatever is in there, the pomegranates, the treasures; they push and shove their hands inside. There is a feeling of swords coming into her and she just surrenders, there is nothing she can do, feeling tiny and small as if all the air has been taken out of her balloon…there is deep cutting pain passing through my vagina towards the stomach and my chest feels squeezed and warm and I feel very cold all over my body.
Then connecting to an even deeper point behind this story, I see myself with fire shooting out of my vagina towards outside, towards others. A beautiful majestic woman with shooting light and fire from her vagina which was probably misused at times and created uncontrollable fire around her to the point where probably these men invaded her to grab hold of the fire or to try and go into her beyond that to take the source of the fire…these are the treasures hidden in her which she probably didn’t know how to own and manage in a way that could be properly channelled.
Daya was conceived and born into a mess of confusion around her when the forces of destruction were prevailing forcefully on planet earth. The echoes of the second world war were present in all bodies and beings of the earth and humans trying to hold onto new grounds, territories, ideas…they were talking in the name of peace: amongst humans, with the earth and all the beings, but their souls actually carried war zones of thousands of centuries.
Daya’s soul , my soul started to embody on a ground of colonization in Africa, Zaire, a Belgian colony. My grandparents, mother, aunt, all Belgians depressed and traumatized by the war, living on the African land everyone in their own way searching for independence.
My Father an Israeli in mission of the ministry of foreign affairs, he is walking his life with a deep longing for love. His lifelong experience was of mistrust and ongoing war of his parents made him swear never to follow their path, but no one could show him what love and peace are so he started inventing and creating a particular inner language which was driven by love but no one could understand, so sadly he recreated a wall of separation…
This was the setting for my birth, Daya’s birth…
I arrived after a long journey close to the moon, from where I observed the beauty of this huge blue planet for so long and was excited and full of joy to finally be embodied as a human and experience this miracle and mystery. My body was expanded by full sexual energy, the power of creation, joy, laughter, curiosity, courage, adventurousness, tenderness, sensitiveness and wildness, all in all filled me when sliding out of my mother’s womb.
I embraced with loving eyes and smiles to everyone and everything that crossed me and wondered at what I was seeing and experiencing. My first walking steps were made with eagerness to set out for exploration. However by the age of 3 the destructive forces were in reign in all my surrounding and all my family’s personal traumas were shot towards me by my father. He didn’t intend to but my whole body was caught unprepared for what came towards me and this resulted in that a crucial part of me severely shut down…
This was actually a point that activated in me a long lived presence of many lives before which I wasn’t aware of at all. Structures of protection and immense walls started to rebuild and surface again. All the sadness rising in my body made me behave in a way to please my surroundings to be the good girl expected of me…
The walls around me grew thicker and thicker as I retreated into my inner world. That is where I felt safe, there I could fly and flow to wherever I wanted and needed to. I felt so hurt, my vagina filled with throbbing pain of knives hitting the walls of my inside. My digestion shuts down and I learn to hold it all inside, fully constipated as if saying to the world: you will get nothing out of me anymore, and my voice becomes quiet and shy.
A huge gap and barrier is created between the outer behavior I wrap myself with. The huge love and sadness inside fills me with compassion and I can see and soak the suffering of others around me. Although I find no way to express my pain, hurt and anger so frustration becomes a companion to many of my steps.
My inner treasures make it possible for me to create a controlled facade; I help others and become the good girl hero of the grownups. My early childhood wild nature shows me how to live my aliveness in secret, to do whatever I need to do without anyone knowing.
This quality grows in my teenage years and young adult years when my sexual nature is longing for expression, which I was taught to be forbidden. I find all the stories and heroes through which I can live my fantasies in the darkness and there too keep control because of the fear infused in my body, I can never fully trust. Just saying the word trust fills me with pain, I can’t embrace this word. Now as I am writing myself down on paper I notice that the point of trauma happened when I stepped into new other territories and encountered people who didn’t know my language but were drawn by my light and fire and violently robed from me what I actually came to offer. I came to offer my love and wildness to dance with others, but they just wanted to take it all to themselves….
So…as a young woman I keep my intimate relationships with men very limited, just to the point where I could still easily shut back the doors of my “safe”. An outer surface of softness and tenderness and inner wildness, curious eyes, a quiet voice with minimum words, just enough to create the mysterious facade to draw what I needed, I live it in the dark of the night, with married men or other situations impossible to be lived in the daytime. And when the threat of being robed hit my intestines I would either gently or fiercely shove them away.
Normally I would be unconscious unaware of what is driving me to push them away. As this structure of behavior becomes thicker I didn’t realise when my inner flow started to block and not be able to simply meet my needs I started being needy and this neediness led to manipulating my surroundings. I find ways to hypnotise people so that they would fill my needs, hypnotise them through my silence and riddled way of speaking. I formed a convoluted way of expressing myself which created a mysterious aura around me making people men in particular but women too curious about my riddles and they would come closer and closer to listen to what I was whispering and at the right moment I would grab them, take what I needed to feed my wild nature with to survive again. At points when I couldn’t find any prey around I would create dramatic stories to attract people’s attention…
I would invade other people’s spaces with my patheticness and make them all comply to my needs. I become a sticky creature; make myself exceptional wherever I go, stand on the fringes always observant from the side to see what I can take, use and change the whole to fulfill my needs.
I am unreachable, untouchable by others, yet take all I need from all around me….
Daphna’zshs Emergence into Being
Riding on waves of awareness I re-birth myself as a gift to planet earth. My name extends itself from Daphna to Daphna’zsh which feels to me a broader, encompassing being than a singular entity.
My body carries a deep knowing of every aspect of the beings living on this planet. I particularly embody the flow and rhythm that make the raw elements breathe themselves into form. Forms such as plants, animals, humans, all that keep the co-creation of life on the planet a continual living dance.
The roar of the river, thunder, lightning, soothing waves of the ocean, rain drops, dew, the eternal fire in the underground, the shifts, twists, wines of the winds all in all are activated in my body. These energies, the power of Eros are clear and open in every cell of my body and from there exceed and extend through every step I make.
I use this force to tickle the earth’s body to encourage growth, to caress and embrace the beings on their evolutionary journey, to allow the tears that need to flow.
The deep silent listening, observant seeing that I was taught in previous lives now are tools of compassion to keep the heart open.
This new awareness born into my body acts as an immediate channel to consciousness, it bypasses the constructed mind of patriarchy. My body and knowing become one, are one.
I learn that the flows of feelings are the water information carriers within my body. With my newly regained wisdom I own my feelings, create the proper retainment vessels for them then to be soaked properly in the earth of my body. In this way these feelings become the life force that nourishes all my actions.
This is the wisdom I am to bring forward to others: the true essential living force of feelings, power of the heart, women’s wisdom. For women I am a guide to a new understanding of the woman’s body, the form through which I and they have direct connection with the body of the earth and the whole of creation. To men I transport this energy and assist them to reconnect by deeply breathing in and out to listen to the depth of the heart beat of the earth, to know exactly what should be acted upon in every moment.
Sensual and sexual encounters are vital tools for me in these guiding acts.
Through me words regain another power. Fewer words will be needed through the wisdom of communication coming via my body. The new language formed by my perception consists of words which hold the breath and rhythm of what needs to be transmitted, these are words that hold the sensuous treasure of matter, of things, of actions.
Life through me become a simple act of knowing, simplicity, simpleness, clarity, presence are all integrated in my new joyous experience of life.
Daphna’zsh a new cosmic presence in this world; I glide in the world playing, creating with all the elements. My adventurous nature carries me to continually dare to seek new grounds to exchange seeds of life between different locations on the planet.
Allowing my hair and my body to surrender to waves of life I am now putting on a new dress over my skin,
Fully excited to step the path of Daphna’zsh zzz
With the buzz of zzz and the sh sss sound of the wind,
Daphna’zsh halleluya havaya….
Thank you for all the life giving teachings you have offered me and my women friends in our lives.
Thank you for taking us on the exact particular journey on which our lives can expand and grow.
Some lifetimes ago you gave me gifts and treasures with the task to conceive and be conceived as a force of creation in the world. There was a point when I crossed the borders probably, when I was unprepared and these gifts instead of creating life triggered violent dark forces in myself and my surrounding. This event took on many lives of hiding, keeping the gifts to myself, living in fear, manipulating, hypnotising people me and doing many actions driven by dark forces.
Now I am in pain again fully recognising the huge wall constructed around me and I wish to melt it away. I hear you calling behind the wall and feel it’s time to go beyond the fear. I feel my power calling through you, it’s time to come out, to show and give your treasures back in, to melt the dark away.
I feel the fear still close to me but stronger the call to come out and surface from the
I am calling for your support for your love to show me the way again…
I ask your forgiveness for all the situations in which I have inappropriately controlled, for the people I hypnotized, manipulated, misjudged and acted my anger and fear on violently.
There was no bad intention but infiltrated frustration locked in my system which I ask you to show me the path to transfer them into action of openness, love and compassion.
I wish you to guide me on my way to trust humans to live truthfully and trustfully with humans on this earth, to share, give and spread all your gifts embedded in my body. To flow the dance of life, with the fire of love, the heart of the waters with full awareness of this earthen body…
Thank you, amen, merci,
Yallah lets go wild!